Unwanted Same-Sex Attractions

Is there such a thing?

By Tim Wilkins (Permission granted to reprint; cite www.CrossMinistry.org)

Neither the prevalence of news celebrating homosexuality nor the absence of news regarding freedom from homosexuality should be interpreted to mean that everyone with same-sex attractions is “happy” about them.

Indeed, many teenage boys and girls, men and women have unwanted same-sex attractions. Moreover, arguably everyone who eventually embraced such attractions experienced a prolonged period where their attractions were unwanted. The research, the biographies, the blogs and the books show it.

To persons with unwanted attractions, the modifier “unwanted” is anemic, a euphemism.  These attractions promote misery.

Same-sex attractions are characterized by a relentless and excruciating emotional and mental anguish typically only alleviated by sleep. Early on, this writer found precious sleep to be the only respite from the torment of such attractions. Some individuals will self-medicate – alcohol and/or drug abuse – in order to soothe the dreadfulness of same-sex attractions.

Many persons mistakenly equate homosexuality solely with pleasure – due to the third syllable found in homosexuality. What friends, families and pastors may not know is that underneath this veneer are deeply wounded people. And please do not make the mistake in presuming their unspeakable misery is a result of homosexual behavior. While any sin can generate pain, i.e. guilt, etc., the onset of this extreme suffering most often rears its ugly head long before reaching puberty and recognizing a sexual attraction to the same sex.

The skeptics ask, “Where are these persons and why don’t they “stand up, speak out”? Really! What’s the likelihood such persons would reveal themselves in this cultural and political climate – where the current presidential administration celebrates homosexuality and pronounces a moratorium on any attempts to assist those with unwanted attractions.

Someone might suggest these individuals dismiss the attractions. Numerous factors working simultaneously and sequentially have created these attractions and they have been working over a long period of time. The person who suggests “dismissing” them, while well-intentioned, is operating on a simplistic scale.

Added to the “unwanted” is a hard truth – every shred of research shows that persons with same-sex attractions are more prone to mental health issues than heterosexuals – depression, OCD, suicidal ideation, etc. It’s imperative to get your loved one to a psychiatrist. As a cardiologist is a specialist of the heart, so a psychiatrist is a specialist of the brain – the most complex organ of the body. The scope of this article precludes me from delving into the juxtaposition of same-sex attractions and mental health.

James, a 16 year old writes, “For the last few years, I’ve been struggling with a torturous problem. I am homosexual, but did not choose it. I am tormented constantly.”

Brandon emailed, “I’m a lonely teenage guy who believes he is gay. I oft-times think it would have been better to have never been born. Do my homosexual desires damn me?”

Sam writes, “This is a desperate cry for help. I’m 16. Those ‘happy coming out stories’ do not apply to me. I’m attracted to guys. I need help.”

Writes Rachel “I’m questioning my sexuality, but I know that is not what God wants. I dream where I’m with another girl. How can I make these thoughts and dreams go away?”

Twenty-one year old Bobby writes, “Please sooth my pain. I’m attracted to guys. All my dreams have died. Can you understand what I’m going through? I want to die!”

Jeremy, 16 writes, I’ve been struggling with a torturous problem. I’m homosexual. What should I do to stop these feelings? I’m too ashamed to tell anyone. I wouldn’t know how to approach it.”

Wayne emails, “I’ve been struggling with same-sex attractions for the last 12 years. I’m miserable – having seriously considered suicide and attempting it once. I don’t know what happened to cause me to have these desires, but I don’t want them.”

Of them all, reading Daniel’s email always causes me to bury my face in my hands and sob, “God tugged at my heart to contact you. I heard a radio broadcast and how Tim Wilkins found freedom from homosexuality. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About 2 in the morning, a scared 13-year old got out of bed, ran to my computer, and emailed you, Tim. Oh how I struggle with homosexuality.”

So I pray, “Oh God, my arms are not long enough to reach around this mass of hurting humanity and lead them to freedom. Send me help. Show me the way.”

Cross Ministry conducts a 1-day conference – MORE THAN WORDS: Walking (versus talking) Friends out of Homosexuality. Interested in hosting MORE THAN WORDS? Have a church staff member contact us at office@crossministry.org Sorry, but we are unable to reply to requests from non-church staff.